I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
