After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
