You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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