Yo dont text me then not text me
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
