In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
