Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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