they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
