I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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