Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
