Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
