dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize