Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
