is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
