I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
