Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
