I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
