She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
