Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
