I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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