I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
