they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
