woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
