i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
