its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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