I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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