3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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