woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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