if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just invented taco cereal.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
