I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
