There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
