At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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