Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
