Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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