He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
