Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
