this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
