cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Panties = found
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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