So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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