You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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