i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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