my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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