I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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