he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
