she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
