Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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