Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
