I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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