You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
