I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
