meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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