My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
