oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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