dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
