Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
