So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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