is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
