It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
