when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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