I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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