Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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