I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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