I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
