She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
