what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So vagazzling was a success
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
