Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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