Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
