You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize